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Why You Should Stop Shouting at Your Kids (and How)

Why You Should Stop Shouting at Your Kids (and How)
  • PublishedSeptember 13, 2023

Parenting is a journey filled with profound joy and pride, yet it is equally lined with tribulations that place us in situations we may never have anticipated. Our patience, resilience, and sanity are tested almost perpetually. Balancing work, chores, relationships, and then coming home to handle the erratic energy of children can sometimes push us right to the edge. In those tense moments, we often allow our frustrations to boil over into a shout, almost hoping that the louder we get, the more effective our message would be. But the post-shout remorse we endure only confirms the contrary.

Shouting regularly at children, unfortunately, yields nothing but destruction – the innocence of childhood besieged by stark fear and resentment. The laughs replaced with cries, and the openness with hesitance. Furthermore, the terms we use to identify our children during these heated exchanges can inadvertently harm their self-perception and development.

This comprehensive guide aims to dissect these challenges and help parents identify their breaking points, better understand the ramifications of shouting and labels like ‘naughty’, and uncover more effective parenting alternatives.

Understanding the Impact of Shouting

First and foremost, it’s crucial to establish that children don’t act ‘naughty’ maliciously or without cause.

Read: No such thing as naughty – the Sunday Times Bestseller

Usually, their behaviour is a direct response to the environment and the stimuli they encounter. Consequently, shouting at children can harm them in more ways than one:

Repercussions on Self-Esteem

Whilst adults can differentiate between their actions and identity, children don’t yet have this cognitive ability. When children are subjected to being labelled as ‘naughty’ or ‘bad’, they begin to associate these negative labels with their intrinsic selves. This negative self-association can be detrimental to their nascent self-esteem and confidence, eventually manifesting as low self-worth and depression.

Decreased Trust and Increased Fear

Rather than fostering understanding and bonding, shouting instigates fear. It establishes a dynamic that may lead to a lack of trust, inducing our children into concealing the truth out of fear. The fallout out of this can range from subtle rebelliousness to more potent deceitful behaviours.

angry parenting has a negative impact on children

Identifying Your Breaking Point

Understanding our breaking point is akin to recognising when our fuel is about to run out and refilling in time to avoid an irreversible breakdown. Here’s how you can identify your own breaking point:


The first step towards mastering your impulses is understanding them. Be conscious of when and why you lose your temper. Do you shout when you’re overwhelmed with work stress? Or when you’re juggling too many things at once? Maybe when you’re feeling physically or mentally exhausted? Identifying these triggers will enable you to foresee shouting patterns and thus control them better.


Mindful living is the practice of being present at the moment without judgement. Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine can be wonderfully healing. Taking up meditation, yoga, or even a few minutes of deep breathing exercises can vastly improve self-awareness. This awareness empowers us to better regulate our emotional responses in stressful situations.


Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity or challenges. Cultivating resilience can prove to be a powerful tool in managing moments of extreme frustration. Find methods to reduce stress that work for you. Engaging in regular exercise, indulging in hobbies, or even short periods of relaxation can significantly increase your tolerance level.

Constructive Alternatives to Shouting

Having understood the need to avoid shouting and the means to increase control over your impulses, let’s now explore constructive alternatives to shouting.

Clear Communication

One effective approach is clear, direct communication with your child. Instead of shouting, express your expectations in easy-to-understand terms and maintain a calm tone. Remember, the aim is to guide the child to understand their actions’ consequences, not to make them feel guilty or shame them.

Emotional Coaching

Emotional coaching is a powerful method of helping children understand and manage tough emotions. By acknowledging and naming their feelings, children learn to identify and regulate their emotions better over time. It’s okay for them to feel angry, frustrated, or upset – what’s not okay is expressing these feelings in a destructive manner.

There are also parenting courses in Devon for us grown ups too.

Reinforcing Positive Behaviour

Instead of focusing your energy on the negative or ‘naughty’ behaviours, concentrate on the positive ones. Praise your children when they make good choices or exhibit desirable behaviours. This not only makes them feel good about themselves, but it also encourages them to repeat such behaviour.

While every parent-child relationship is unique and complex in its own way, gaining an understanding of the harm caused by shouting, recognising your personal breaking points, and adopting more positive communication strategies will lead to a dramatic improvement in your relationships.

This path of self-improvement calls for persistence, self-awareness, and continuous effort, but the emotional rewards, enrichment, and strengthened bond with your child make every step worthwhile.

Grab a copy of the bestselling: The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children will be Glad You Did).

Written By
DH Writers

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