Political Party Known For Sleaze Turns Out to Be Mired in Sleaze

As allegations of sleaze, corruption and gross misconduct against the British Conservative party grow, people are being urged to remember that this is what they voted for. With a solid background in fucking the country up since God knows when, people surprised or disgusted by the Tories are are being reminded that this is their whole remit.

“I can’t believe that Boris Johnson turned out to be a dishonest charlatan, interested only in his own self-gain. He was portrayed as such a fun-loving and likeable guy who you’d like to share a pint with”, says Jeff Bell-Enderson of Plymstock.

“If I’d known that he’d let his personal adviser flaunt lockdown rules and then cover it up, get business perks for his mistress, give contracts of national importance to his mates, ignore the advice of doctors and make the UK one of the worst hit countries during a pandemic, and make a meal of the UK’s exit from Europe then… Well, I’d still probably have voted for him actually”, said Bell-Enderson.

The Tory party has been notorious for sleaze with episodes such as The Profumo Affair; the bizarre death of Tory MP Stephen Milligan found dead in womens underwear; the death of a young boy at the hands of Tory MP at an infamous Dolphin Square sex party; and countless other shady deals, questionable decisions and general erosions of decency and democracy. (A long list of Tory corruption here)

Despite the fact that Boris Johnson was clearly going to be a corrupt arsehole, people decided that Jeremy Corbyn would be worse because, ‘…he looks like a geography teacher and he’s a bit of an arrogant lefty’. And whoever the other option was also terrible because.. Well, I can’t remember, but Johnson had better hair or something.

Will this latest episode of Tory sleaze affect the results at the next election? Probably not, because people seem to think Keir Starmer is worse.

Well. At least Johnson did Get Brexit Done!